you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
