if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
