I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
