operation have a gay friend backfired
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
