How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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