i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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