He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
