youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
