I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
