respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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