Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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