Porn is love you can see.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
