Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize