I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
