If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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