dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
