What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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