I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
