; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
