I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
