Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
