dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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