haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you never un-have a 4some
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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