hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
