her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
