SEEEEXXX PLEASE
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
