I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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