Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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