I haven't been this sober since birth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
