am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
