You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
