Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
