I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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