you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
