When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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