I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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