I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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