The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
