I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
