She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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