If that was your dad, he is hot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
