the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
