It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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