She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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