Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
