9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
