a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
