I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
