Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
