this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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