Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
