I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
