its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
