things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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