Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
