Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
