He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
