I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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