when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Randomize
