I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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